Building Resilience
Stress Management and
Positive Coping strategies
Parent Brochure
Why learn about stress management and positive coping?
Challenges are an ongoing part of life; we all experience a range of stresses. When
children and young people develop language around coping and stress, they are more
likely to be able to understand and deliberately use a range of strategies to moderate the
impact of stress on their overall wellbeing and behaviour. Children and young people who
cope better with stress are more likely to experience good mental health and wellbeing.
Key issues of counselling concerns
Issues raised by children and young people when calling Kids Helpline in 2012, grouped
by age and by gender:
Age 15-19
Age 10-14
Age 5-9
Females
Males
1. Family relationships
1. Family relationships
2. Bullying
2. Bullying
3. Friends/peer groups
3. Emotional wellbeing
4. Emotional wellbeing
4. Child abuse
5. Child abuse
5. Friends/peer relationships
1. Mental health concerns
1. Family relationships
2. Family relationships
2. Bullying
3. Emotional wellbeing
3. Emotional wellbeing
4. Suicide-related concerns
4. Child abuse
5. Dating and partner relationships
5. Friends/peer relationships
1. Mental health concerns
1. Mental health concerns
2. Dating and partner relationships
2. Dating and partner relationships
3. Emotional wellbeing
3. Emotional wellbeing
4. Suicide-related concerns
4. Friends/peer relationships
5. Family relationships
5. Family relationships
What are coping strategies?
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Coping strategies are the thoughts, feelings and actions that we use to help deal
Department of Education and Early Childhood Development
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with the challenges, stresses and demands we all face
They include the things we do to help us to calm down, cheer up, confront fears,
deal with challenges, work at a problem, or to continue to work hard at
something even when we don’t feel like it
Some coping strategies are more productive than others, so we need to be able
to use a range of effective coping strategies to help us deal well with life and its
challenges
Children and young people tend to learn how to cope by copying the strategies
that they see others use. They can also learn new strategies when provided with
activities which assist them to reflect on what works and to try new techniques
Parents can help by modeling healthy coping strategies, and by talking with
children and young people about the kinds of strategies they can use in different
sorts of situations
Which coping strategies work better than others?
Research highlights that while some coping strategies are helpful and effective, others
are ineffective or even harmful .
Ineffective coping strategies
Effective coping strategies
(encourage
(encourage children and young people
to maximise use of these):
children and young people
to minimise use of these):
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Worry
Self-blame
Keep things to self
Tension reduction (via
alcohol, acting out, displays
of anger and distress)
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Work hard
Focus on solving the problem
Seek relaxing diversions
Seek physical recreation
Why learn about self-calming strategies?
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Self-calming strategies to help people release tension and to regulate their
emotions
Relaxation, anger-management and self-calming strategies can be taught to
children and young people
Research shows that children and young people appreciate the chance to
learn and practice these strategies and can apply them in their lives
What do we teach?
The Building Resilience Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) lesson materials provide
a broad range of activities to help children and young people:
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Identify emotions and feelings related to stress
Recognise common stressors
Reflect on personal stressors and coping behaviours
Identify positive and negative coping strategies
Learn about different coping strategies
Practise a variety of positive strategies
Building resilience in children & young people: Parent Materials
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Decide which strategies to apply at different times and in different situations
What is self-talk?
Self-talk is the voice inside our heads that tells us how we are going. There are two
main types of self-talk:
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Negative self-talk includes thinking the worst and blaming oneself,
exaggerating and focussing on what is wrong and ignoring what is right. It is
pessimistic thinking.
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Positive self-talk includes being more realistic in thinking about the
circumstances and one’s own effort, being grateful for the positives,
recognising personal strengths and being realistic about the level of
responsibility. It is optimistic thinking.
Use of positive self-talk is associated with greater persistence in the face of challenge,
whereas negative self-talk is associated with higher levels of distress, depression and
anxiety. Those who use positive self-talk are more likely to succeed. Positive self-talk
can be learnt or strengthened through practice.
Sample Activities for parents and carers:
Positive coping profiles
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Draw up your own ‘Positive Coping Profile’. Try to identify 20 positive coping strategies you
use, with at least one strategy from each of the following five categories:
1. Energetic activity
2. Self-calming activity
3. Social activity
4. Shifting attention activity
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5. Getting organised activity
Share and compare your favourite coping strategies with your child Share and compare your
favourite coping strategies with your child
Identifying self-talk
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Imagine your child is about to start their first day at secondary school.
What might their positive and negative self-talk be?
What could they say to themselves to counter the negative self-talk?
Negative selftalk
Building resilience in children & young people: Parent Materials
Positive self-talk
Managing stress
Thinking about our own sources of stress and coping strategies can help us to role model coping
for our children and young people:
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Make a list of some of the stresses and challenges you face (include stresses or challenges in
the physical environment, relationships, events, fears, anxieties or thoughts which affect how
you feel either physically or emotionally)
Talk about how might these stressors be affected by time or change over time
Ask what positive coping strategies you find help you to deal with one or two of these
stressors
Brainstorm some additional coping strategies. Review the list and see if some are worth a try.
Sample activities to complete with your child
Practising self-talk
Make up an example of each type of self-talk for the person in the following
scenario:
You are about to sit a test, and you are feeling uncertain about how you will manage this
challenge. What would your positive self-talk and negative self-talk sound like?
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Negative self-talk is when we say negative things to ourselves
Positive self-talk is when we say positive things to ourselves)
A guided relaxation
Sit comfortably in a chair or lie on the floor with your child or young person. Guide him or her
through the following steps:
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Shake your whole body for ten seconds
Stiffen your body like a board and don’t let it move for ten seconds
Let it go and imagine yourself melting into the floor or chair with all your muscles warming and
relaxing and stretching out
Take a few slow breaths in and out. Listen to your own heartbeat
Now tighten your whole body as if it were a frozen block of ice again. Hold all your muscles
tight
Now relax and melt again
Take a few slow breaths in and out. Listen to a sound that is very far away
Now wiggle your toes and fingers. Open your eyes and slowly sit or stand up
What can parents and carers do?
Families can support their children to recognise their stressors and develop positive
coping styles through:
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Positive role modelling - recognising and naming your own stressors and using
positive coping strategies. This will influence your child’s capacity to express
and manage their stresses and challenges
Building resilience in children & young people: Parent Materials
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Talking with your child about which coping strategies work for you
Helping your child to recognise the situations that cause them stress
Encouraging your child to try different coping and self-calming strategies and
talk about what worked or did not work for them
Helping them to plan ahead to minimise stress
Creating opportunities for your child to practise a range of coping strategies
Challenging your child’s negative self-talk. E.g. in the face of their assuming
others’ negative views you can use phrases like “that’s your thinking not mine”
Praising your child’s efforts at managing their stress
Useful links
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SAFEMinds:
http://www.education.vic.gov.au/school/parents/health/Pages/mentalhealth.aspx
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Smiling Mind http://smilingmind.com.au/
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Youth beyondblue http://www.youthbeyondblue.com/
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headspace http://www.headspace.org.au/
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KidsMatter http://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/families/about-emotions/fears-andworries/using-helpful-self-talk-cope
For further information, references and the evidence base, please see the Building
Resilience in Children and Young People literature review (hyperlink)
Building resilience in children & young people: Parent Materials